a thought, just a thought

These days I have had to learn to be content where contentment is easily had. This is partially a French phenomenon I believe. It could be said that the French have problems being satisfied. Who am I to start with throwing the cultural blanket, I know, but I think this is a safe remark. In France, we crave to lead the most chill life possible, stress-free, well-cared-for from the external sources, i.e., l'Etat. Okay, this is not a critique, simply an observation, and when these things are off-kilter, when everything does not go down as smoothly as anticipated, there'll be hell to pay. That is a fact. The contradiction arrives when these criteria are indeed fulfilled, when "tout va bien", is it true that all is well ? Debatable. I think there is a little cover-up going on. Personally, I do not feel sufficiently adept to imply the reasons, I think you could write a book on it, pulling hundreds of examples from French history, litterature, philosophy, etc. Maybe I undertake that project ? Well, not in this blog entry, I lack the courage. What I wonder is where do I fit in ? A bit pretentious, of course, as if I make part of French society, American passing through. Four months. Furthermore, I live in one corner of a large country. Bien entendu, mais je continue, cela ne peut pas m'arreter de mettre en evidence ce que je me sens.
I think for me, this feeling has special significance, given my location, Aix-en-Provence. Bourgeois. To the T. There exists not a rough part of town, all is extremely expensive, domesticated, etc. And so I breathe the "we have what we need" part of France, i.e., we ought to be content, don't ask questions. And me, it is impossible to avoid the sentiment, I have to share it. This place is nice, everything is well arranged, no problems. Contentment is easily had (well, unless you take into account that going for cafe is hardly affordable). Ahem. Contentment is easily had. Yet, I always have a hard time accepting this so quickly. So I prefer be malcontent, right ? I do not want to exaggerate, as if I have been complaining all my days here. Not true I hope. It is in arriving at a state of general well-being -- generally defined as sunny days free of schoolwork -- that you feel required to come to the other side, the too-content or otherwise the reflection on what is lacking. For me, what is lacking is the usual, that I ought to have several close french friends, my level of the language nearly maternal, writing works of literature, reading everything, understanding, etc. Maybe growing in wisdom mixed somewhere in there.
In short, I want my four months in this place -- France -- to be filled with perfection, laziness and malcomprehension strictement interdits.
I run instead. Good trade-off ? Depends on who you'd ask.

Critical contentment.
Reflective dissatisfaction.
Always something better, always on the move.
I have arrived, no. Just another stop, get ready to move.
Aller. Rester. Autre part. Ici.
Vivre.